Welcome to the Dark Side

Ive decided to go back to the black layout I had before because I am feeling dark right now. My current FB status says "Lisa has gone to her dark place".

I got back at five last night and G phones me at 10. Im not pleased. Mom says not to get pissed off. Im pissed off. He called today but I didnt answer. He can call all he wants, he has to earn my fucking attention.

I have rent and my tab at work to pay and Im not sure if I can get any shifts this week. I dont even want to fucking go back. Im thinking of dancing at Divas on the weekend, maybe I could make a couple hundred.

Four weeks today and I will be in Sydney. Ive got £210 rent to pay, £100 tab at work, £50 council tax, my next phone bill, £12 contact lenses, groceries and electricity.

It cost me a total of £558 to get prepared to dance again and get to and from London. £558 I could have saved for OZ.

Of course I am now motivated to set up a new Financial Domination website. Especially since Im feeling all man hating at the moment. Men really dont do themselves any favours. But then why should they, being all privileged and shit.

Id like to take every fucker who dares contact me for every penny they fucking have. You want me to fuck with you? Be careful what you wish for bitches.

Im currently listening to A Perfect Circle songs on Imeem. Havent figured out how to embed an Imeem player in here so you can listen to 3 Libras which I am pretty much listening to on repeat.

The gorgeous and lovely Alice and I have been emailing and its good to have a "penpal". I really appreciate her not ignoring me, its great to get to know her. Ive just not had a lot to say recently as Ive sort of gone inside myself, smarting from the recent failures and trying to hide from the financial uphill march I have to face right now.

And I want my goddamn boyfriend to make me feel wanted ffs.

I bumped into L on my way to the bank today. She said she saw G out on Sat night and that he went on and on about how amazing I am.

Its 5pm and Im drinking red wine. I just want to go back to sleep. To switch off from this life that isnt going so well right now.

Maybe I should just tell him Im annoyed he rang me so late last night and that I feel like he didnt make enough of an effort for me and get it over with and out of my system. I get fucked up when I keep shit inside. Im just scared of revealing myself as a neurotic psycho.

Man do I have some psycho thoughts - like woah! Where does this shit come from!? Gaia prepare the world if I ever did go truly mad.

I keep checking my phone. I want him to chase me. I want him to show some fucking effort on his part. I want him to be more of a man.

Who am I to complain, he's a better boyfriend than most men.