who do you think you are?

i have been talking to some random guy on myspace who is helping me piece this damn puzzle together, this is in reply to him asking me what i want to do with my life:

i can tell you exactly what i dont want, what i do want, im not too clear on since i am extremely clear on what i dont want.

i dont want to work a 9-5 in a corporate office. the site of a man in a suit actually gives me the jitters and i quietly panic if im in an elevator with them, ESPECIALLY if they make small talk, oh god kill me now!

i dont want to live in a country that is 90% of the time cold and miserable which makes the people the same way.

i want to wake up, hang on, you should read my blogs, theyll tell you what makes me happy and what i want!

i want to get lots of tattoos, that mean something to me and that are beautiful to my body, thereby also cementing the avoidance of a corporate job.

i dont much care about money unless i dont have it to pay my bills or when i need it to go travelling.

i wish i went to art school. altho i think i am more inclined to being a performance artist. i signed up for an acting class and never went... wen i was a kid people always used to tell me i should be an actress. i am definately a drama queen, but not in a bad way. i a most definately an exhibitionist. i get off on people getting off on me. i actually miss pole dancing and lap dancing, i just dont miss the stuff inbetween which involved talking to the stupid assholes who came into the clubs. my father was (is) an artist but i cant look at a blank page or canvas and begin to draw or paint something - i admire people who can.

ive often dreamed about spending an entire year in summertime. like nowhere below 25 degrees. this morfed into an idea to spend a year visiting all the best beaches of the world, perferably with good surf. i havnt actually ever surfed before, but i know i am a surfer. i used to bodyboard as a kid and grew up on the beach, so i have an afinity with the water, but i went to newquay recently and i was actually afraid to swim in it. im not entirely sure if this is because i knew it would be too cold for me.

i want to travel now. not when i have worked 3yrs for the money and im past 30yrs old. NOW. ive already wasted my 20s, i dont have any more time to waste.
i dont ever consider my career options. the word career scares me. like corporate. and conservative. and conformed. and behave.

i will never grow up. altho i am very wise, i enjoy the fact i am still playful. so do my friends.
id love to work in a book store. i read a lot. always have. and im very organised. i actually get satisfactiong out of putting things where they belong.

id really love to own my own private cinema so i could have movie theme weeks for the locals.
i spent a hell of a lot of time sitting at my pc. i am currently teaching myself web design and attending a dreamweaver night course, altho i havent been to the last two lessons cos they are too slow.

im really good at relationship counselling and life coaching. always have been, probably cos both my parents are complete head cases. altho i wouldnt ask for anyone else.
i often think of myself doing a certain job and ALWAYS end asking myself what good would it do people? like advertising.

i have a good eye for design. i actually feel off balance if a design is balanced. im a little bit OCD with that, if someone has one collar up and one down, it bugs me. come to think of it, i like to be orderly, and for things to be orderly. some women were in the pub yesterday with their kids and there were kids toys and food everywhere, that would bug me. i wondered if id be a hard parent to have because of this.

sometimes i think, well, often i think i would like to surf all day and dj all night. i miss djing, i am very inspired by music. and images. i collect a lot of images during the many, many hours spent on my pc. i also buy magazines and i cant throw them out till ive cut out all the pictures i like.
i hate people who dont think for themselves and just do what they think theyre supposed to do. i call them default people. i like rare people. rare thinkers. sometimes i find myself the most interesting person i know cos noone has a mind of their own and has anything interesting or challenging to say.

i love to argue. i think a lot, about all sorts of things and i like to argue if someone disagrees because ive really thought things thru. however, if someone does come up with something i didnt think about, im quick to accept this and go about thinking about it. i think about obscure things, like, howcome you never see pregnant chinese women?

id love to act in a film. but i wouldnt like to be paparazzi famous. if i had a film stars money, i would spend as much as i could on animal welfare and environmental conservation. im inspired by really emotional scenes, where there is a fight, or someone is really upset. i think i would be good at those.

i think i was a cat in my past life. my favourite things to do are eat, sleep and get up to mischeif. i love being able to sleep until i wake up naturally with no alarm. i love to be able to go to bed whatever time i want cos i know the next day i can sleep as much as i want. wen i was lapdancing i could do this, its one of the reasons i became a lapdancer. in fact the reason i became a lapdancer was to feed my narcissitic desires, make a shed load of cash and sleep as much as i want. therein, my friend, i think lies the answer to your question!

you should be stronger than me

so i was supposed to be getting back from 5days with J in newquay tomorrow, however the trip was cut very short on friday night after our little "domestic". turns out the guy is a manupilative psycho, not unlike my father - poor guy...

anyway, the less said of him and the matter, the better. "its in de past" as the monkey in the lion king says to simba.

my point however, before i forget it myself, is that while raging amidst our drunkan fude, and a million other things that added to it, i stopped and said to myself while furiously lighting another cigarette "this is all a test lisa, its just a test". amazing how that can calm you down and help you soldier through.

so, having planted myself on the first available train back to london, switched off my phone from J's constant texts ranging from, "i know you havent really left, come on, where are you", to "pls tell me where you are, you cant leave me worried like this" (cunning use of bleating plaintif manipulation i had already grown wise of), i had time to figure out what the lesson in all this was.

well the most glaringly obvious thing that came to me is i realised what kind of man i need in my life:

he needs to be stronger than me.

now wonder they say i ask for too much sometimes. even my mom gaffawed at this satement and promptly reminded me that i am a very strong willed girl, her tone inflecting also that i was blatantly asking too much.

but its true, this is indeed the kind of man i need and explains why i am eternally single. if only emily was a man! she is the only person i take orders from, the only person i shut up for, the only person i would give my life for. i even said to her, albeit while very high, that if she had to die while being a mother, i would raise her children as my own. and i would. anyway, before i begin to wax lyrical about the most amazing person in my life, let me divulge the expansion thoughts on this realisation that i need a man who is stronger than me.

someone who is stronger than me.
and not in a domineering way. i dont need a father. i dont need an authority figure as such, but i need someone who knows when to curb me. someone who can also hold me down wen i want to run. and to do that takes faith in me. someone who can encourage my own self belief. but someone who does all this without letting go of his own identity, his own definitions.
its like, i need a host tree, for the vine that is me. but not a tree that will become suffocated by me. someone who stands his ground, but is so secure in himself, he is able to be there for someone else. are there any people like that left in this world? someone honourable, who isnt easily influenced by society. who chooses to define himself, and not be defined by what society tells us we should be, and should have, and how we should be leading our lives.

im certainly not going to meet him sitting at home... but in this city, there is no time for having a life, only time for work, cos if you dont work all the time, you cant afford to live here. why do you think im still here after 7 years? cos i couldnt afford to leave.

btw: has anyone noticed how my post titles are usually the lyrics from a song?

youre speaking my language baby

"if a life on the beach under our own rules came easy...HELL... we'd ALL be doing it!!!"

we'd all be doing it if we thought we could. most people dont think they can have what they want. everytime i go after the life i want, people tell me im being stupid and to just settle down and take a regular job and take your wage and be content with what you get. well sorry. id rather be dead than live a life of mediocricy because its easier.

i may be angry and frustrated that its taking so long for me to figure out what it is i need to figure out, but id rather be doing this than sucking corporate society tit so i can have 1.3 kids and a holiday home oh and lets not forget a comfortable retirement.

the whole world seems to only be alive so they can one day retire comfortably. if i was born to be retired, i would not have an entire life first to get there!

so, my point is, my life is not about working 90% of it so i can have 10% of it to myself. and if what they say is true, that "thats just the way it is lisa, you just gotta learn to live with it", then shoot me fucking now.

i think ill go now

i feel like calling in sick tomorrow and never coming back here.
then calling justin and asking him to come get me sooner than friday.
then coming back to london on tuesday or wednesday before flying to amsterdam on friday with mom to get more tattoos. we get back on monday 5th and then i can think about what my next move is.
i have over stayed my welcome at this job and i am sitting here doing nothing, i may as well go. so i will lose a few days pay and i wont get to say goodbye to my friends here but i can email them and anyway, i hate goodbyes.
i want to get on with my life. change the record. do something radical. go in search of artistic, creative people who will inspire and motivate me.
i did a few career tests today and 80% of my score went to "artistic" on all of them. the other high score was on "social" as in, i like to interact with people and help them be better and feel better.
so, i need to find that way of making money where i can be creative and around people and feel like im a benefit. pre-school teacher haha!
yeah, i think i need to go. they dont need me here and i am wasting my time here. its time to move on.

whats the answer?

"you look like a gorgeous girl who has got it made!"
yeah, people always say that when they see the face of me, but i dont.
everybody wants a piece of me, but no one deserves me and all the people who i think who do, they arent wise to it, so i feel like im in this constant influx of disappointment and on a bad day, sometimes i feel like its my fault.
as juliette lewis says, i got love to kill, but i feel like i keep firing blanks, everyone wants to shoot my gun, but they dont know how to aim it.
i just wanna go somewhere and meet all kinds of people and live my life
im tired of going out and getting fucked up and messing around with guys who dont deserve me cos i got nothin better to do.
i watch surfing movies and i see these people who live there and theyre living the life i want so bad and im like, man, if i dont get outta this country, my life is gonna pass me by
i cant work hard in a job i dont care about so i can one day be free to do as i please, cos all that time working, i feel like im wasting my life cos there is no gaurantee ill get what i want
i hate feeling like this, i feel like its such a waste of my life.
sometimes i even go as far as just wanting to get married and have kids cos then at least ill have something to do, at least there will be a point, ill have some meaning to my life...
i know what my problem is, im not exposed to positive, creative people, nothing inspires me, motivates me, brings the best out of me.
i keep leaving well paying jobs because its not what i want, because i want to be free to explore and experience life, but then when i leave, im like, ok, so what do i do with myself now?
people look at me and they see someone who has everything going for them to have a great life, and on the surface, yeah, i do, yet i cant seem to make these blessings work for me, now is this my fault? or am i just in the wrong environment?
yeah, it would be so much easier to be religious, or to be a blind sheep like the majority of society that just goes along with what society tells them, just keep living like how theyre told it should be lived, but im like, well hang on, if im living life how im told, im selling myself out. - when do i get to do what i want to do?
well lisa, what is it you want to do?
i want to live where its hot and i want to be loved. i want someone to recognise what im all about and think themselves the luckies person on earth to know me, and to have the privilege of loving me and being loved back just as hard. i want someone to come to me with no fucking conditions, someone who doesnt want me on certain terms cos why would you place conditions on something that cant get any better than it is right?
see that? i mentioned nothing about a job or a career. i have no interest in having a career. i just want to do something i love but im not entirely sure what that is and everyday that goes by and i dont know, i see it as a day lost. next thing i know, im a year older and what the fuck did i do with myself? im still searching. i HATE clichés, but yeah, i am trying to find myself. but how can i start from square one, when i dont even know where it was i lost myself.
i think i got into taking drugs way too young (16) and all that time i was living it up and having a great time, i gave no thought to where i was heading, and now, here i am and im like, ah fuck, where do i go from here? all that time i was partying, i never laid a foundation for my future, cos the only thing you want in your future when youre having that much fun, is to keep having fun. But society squeezes you between a rock and a hard place and drugs dont tell you how to get yourself outta that one.
so am i here because of my upbringing? cos i took drugs for 11 years? cos i renounced religion? cos im less intelligent than i thought i was, or am i in the same place everyone else is? and if thats the case, what the fuck are we doing about it?
so then you ask yourself questions like: if you had nothing to fear, what would you do? and i realise, i dont fear anything. well, the only thing im afraid of is wasting my life. or if you ask yourself: if you had no limits, what would you do? id be 19 again and id have enough money to do whatever the fuck i wanted with my life.
i think for me, it all boils down to money. i dont have any, and by that i mean, what i have, i owe the bank, nothing else. my mother doesnt own a home, i dont have any assets, so im a blank slate just blagging it through life. if i had money, i would spend this summer in hawaii and southern california. then id go to australia and japan. and hopefully somewhere, along the line, id meet someone who thought all the things about me i wish someone would think and we could find somewhere hot to chill and bring more good people into the world and everything would be just fine.
some people think im being too idealistic and all my apparent ideals are so real to me, theyre my dreams, they are what my heart desires.
but i feel like, the things i want are vague ideas and you cant make things real without the details. but to me, the details are formed when youre living the dream.
i am a reactionary person. i am defined by the reactions people have to me. i adapt to the environment around me and i feel lost when there are no mirrors around me to perform in front of.
maybe i should get a tattoo that says "this too shall pass".
maybe the question is not "who am i?", but instead, "who am i becoming?" who do you want to be?
i want to be a magnet, i want to attract good people, people who love me, positive people who keep me going, who push me and challenge me, who bring me life. i want to keep expanding.
i only want what i really want, anything less and i have to keep moving. constant motion.
ive been told i should be an actress, or a writer. but these things define who you are and im not 100% sure of what i want to be defined as. i need a lot of stimulus.
whats that saying? that which nourishes me, also destroys me. sounds like my brain...
its funny, im 27 and im still amazed when i do something that is good enough.
if you met me, i wouldnt seem like someone with a low self esteem - maybe im just a good faker.
hold a mirror up to me and there i am, take it away and i cease to exist.

possibly maybe

so im sitting in the electric beach, waiting for the mega sun bed to come free and i get a call from justin in newquay

its real good to hear his voice and his cute giggle.

he tells me about the rad new house he found that theyre moving into on monday. he tells me that i have nothing to worry about when i go down, that i have a place to stay.

i miss him. i want to cuddle in his arms and kiss him.

i hardly know the guy, but in his voice i can hear how much he wants to take care of me, its the kind of inflection i long to hear...

so im talking to him and i just want to go to newquay instead of hawaii. after throwing newquay and hawaii into a pros and cons fight, newquay came out tops. i really want to experience hawaii but its stupidly expensive and it will mean i will have to wait even longer for my naturalisation.

if i move to newquay, i can get the new apple macbook and work on my website and get money coming in from that and work in a bar at night, surf wen the waves are up, get fit, lose 10kgs, get a great tan, have loads of great sex, change my wardrobe into surf gear and come winter, i should be ready to go home to SA for a visit and then who knows!

its more sensible and affordable to go to newquay. hawaii is something i really want, but its like wanting those great pair of shoes real bad, but knowing, youd be messing a lot up by buying them even though youre gonna love every minute of wear you get out of them.

hawaii is not a good idea, but im not ready to admit it.

3 months. 3 months of summer and then i can re-evaluate what i want to do. besides, i will meet loads of travelling surfers while im down there and come december, ill have my damn british passport!

reckon im gonna get a wing tattooed on my ankles in amsterdam in a couple weeks.

oh, ive been offered the bar job at the pub down the road from me where i used to work - STOKE! so much positivity has come my way recently and its cos i took geoff thompson's advice and sent it out there. you get back what you put out.

little sister cant you find another way

so i may be in total turmoil as to wether to go to hawaii in july or move to newquay but my biggest stress is this boy at work.

oh man, i want him SO BAD. and everyday i say to myself, no more, just ignore him, if you cant have him, theres no point in playing it. but then i see the curve of his ass, the gentle bristle of his hair on his shaved head and the soft plumpness of his lips and i melt into earm custard. i just need to have this man. we arent often next to eachother, but when we are, there are sparks flying off us. i love to look into his eyes close up. i wanted to email him this morning and i thought no lisa, if you keep piping up, he will have no reason to come to you, so i left it. at 11am he email me - hey lisa, hows things? you smell nice. i laughed and asked him how he was today. i almost said he looks nice, then i thought, no more flirting, he knows you like him, now walk away so he can come and get you. he said he came and did photocopying by me and i smell nice. (good!) he asked when my last day is and i said maybe next friday, maybe the last day of the month.

later i was coming back up with coffees and he ran up behind me calling me by my full name, he likes to do that... he said why you so happy today? i said im always happy, but im stoked cos i booked my interview with the US embassy. he said sometimes you walk with your arms crossed and i said yeah thats when people piss me off. he said not me, i hope. i said, well i dont like waiting and he blushed! he actually looked embaressed cos he knew i was talking about this chick living with him that he said he needs to sort out. i said, i shouldnt have to wait, it wastes time, good time.

then he left and he stopped by my desk to ask me when my interview is and i said 19th june, we chatted a bit about that and then he asked if i was in tomorrow, i said yeah and he said, alright, ill see you tomorrow.

everytime i think he isnt that into me, i think well hang on, he came after me to find out who this chick was that was smiling and flirting with him. he makes an effort to say i look nice or i smell nice or something like that. he made me smile the other day when i was angry.

he is a good guy and i really like him, but i dont just want to fuck him. hes the kinda guy you wanna get to know also. its easier just to fuck those youre attracted to, but it ends up being such a waste of life if you never take the time to get to know someone. everyone says they dont want a relationship, but they all do when they meet the right person, so why not take some time to get to know someone you fancy, you never know, they may be the one you wanna spend some time with.

i am worth spending time with. i am funny and sexy and intelligent and he knows it, he has even said it himself. i want him to make the effort to get to know me. i want him to want to get to know me. its not enough just to think im sexy and leave it at that. im worth knowing. we could have a great time together.

hes either scorpio or sagitarius, he hasnt said when his birthday is, just that its in november. and i was so sure he was a leo.

scorpio and aquarius = Curiosity and chemistry draw you together initially. The challenge is learning to tolerate each other’s eccentricities and self-absorption. You both can be intractable and unbelievably stubborn. This is not the easiest pairing in the zodiac. . . .

sagittarius and aquarius = You understand each other better than almost anyone else. This is a creative collaboration composed of two unique individuals who rebel against limits, dull routines, and hypocrisy. A meeting of your minds and a melding of your hearts make this pretty hard to kick out of bed. Unconventional to the core, you two may not fit into someone else’s concept of a "typical" relationship. As long as you continue breaking rules and defying the odds, this pairing should bloom.

hmm, funny that, jason was a sag and i never thought of him like that, oh wait, nope, he definately a sag.

hmm, i think leon could be a scorpio...

how to seduce a scorpio:
1) As all fixed signs, Scorpio needs some time to decide (don't force any decisions). You will not seduce Scorpio by pushing him, by trying to overpower him. Be subtle. Post some secret messages of love. Invite him to mysterious places.

2) Appear confident and never get upset. Be persistent and decide what you want and go for it, whatever it takes and do it with a smile.
Scorpios don't like to be in the spotlight. You may take this literally too: some dim light or candle light works wonders.

Seduction of the Scorpio Man
As a fixed water sign, Scorpio is very determined. He has quite some courage and inner strength. Jealousy is part of him.
Seduce Scorpio by being sexy and seductive. However, don't forget that Scorpio is a water sign, sensitive and sentimental that is. So, be subtle. And be patient. Scorpios may be quite hesitant when it comes to affairs of the heart. But be patient AND confident. patient and confident lisa, patient and confident.

His physical desires are insatiable. If you want to seduce Scorpio you will have to surrender... (WAAAHOOOO!!!!!)

Sometimes overt sexual suggestions can do the trick too. Wear some black-red clothes and/or lingerie. He WILL MELT!! - he has made a few overt sexual suggestions a few times.

bring it on baby - leon you are MINE

if youre happy and you know it...

Hey, so I dont know what the bleeding hell I am doing with my life but ive been reading a number of books that tell you how to live your life successfully and theyve been pretty inspiring. So I know what I want:

I want to spend this summer in Hawaii, surfing and exploring the islands.
I want to meet a good guy who treats me like diamonds.
I want a boxer puppy called Harlow.
I want to live the surfer life, tanned skin, sun bleached hair, toned bod, healthy food, chilled people.
I want to know web design and photoshop.
I want to start writing.
I want to maybe even do a bit of djing again.
I want to have a little boy and then a little girl by the time I am 35. I want them to be mixed race kids and their father to be from a pacific island.
I want a wing tattoed on the outside of my legs and a crown on my wedding finger instead of a wedding ring because I dont plan on getting married in the traditional sense (cant think of anything worse!).
I want to always be doing something that passionatly in love with.
I want to be free to do exactly as i please, when I please.

So, I dont know how I want to make money to live on. I have no idea. How would I like to make my money? Being my own boss thats for sure, but doing what, I have no idea. I dont know what Im good at, or even what I like enough to want to make money out of it.

I finish this job next Friday and then I guess I will get a bar job, five shifts a week and spend my days going to the gym and lying in the sun while teaching myself web design and photoshop.

I could go to Newquay. I could go and stay with Justin and learn to surf but I want to go to Hawaii and I dont think Justin would be good for me altho he makes me miss being treated well and feeling special.

Im really not interested in anyone if they cant treat me exactly as I deserve.

So I guess I am at a cross roads again and as much as I like going off in a new direction, I always worry that ill make the wrong choice. But then Ive heard that there are no wrong choices because each journey teaches you something. I guess the only time you feel like you made a wrong choice is when you dont get to the destination you were heading for which in the grand scheme of things was maybe meant to be.

Ok, so with that in mind, I feel a bit better about leaving this well paying altho excrutiatingly painful job with no new job to go to and no real idea of what i want to do. Well I do know what I want to do, I want to go to Hawaii for the summer! I dont have any money, altho Ive just been approved for a credit card, but these books say all you need to do is ask the universe for what you want with every intention and it will be given unto you wether or not you get what you ask for is a different matter, apparently you get given whatever the universe/god things you should have in order to teach you a lesson, but I have been astounded at how much I have gotten after asking.

The other main thing Im learning is that your thoughts are your life. you are what you think so I intend on erradicating negitive thoughts from my mind and that is going to be one mean task!

You know I really want to meet other cool, switched on people who are open to making new friends. I dont know anything who is positive and open to others apart from emily, everyone else has hang ups and conditions and sometimes this makes me think i need to get out of london but if im going to leave london, then i want to live on the coast and im not overly excited about newquay.

I want to be around positive, inspiring, motivational people. People who are creative and forward thinking, people who are spiritual and unconditional, unconventional and just down right good to be around.

I dont think anymore that "when i have that, ill be happy". I think "when ive learned what i need to learn, ill be happy." happy is a state of mind, but you need to fix your thinking before you can understand how to manifest happiness.

When am I happy?

I am very happy when the sun shines, it definately brings out the best in me.
Im happy when I am not being bombarded by advertising everywhere I look.
Im happy when I am being loved and appreciated for ME and not because I am sexual.
Im happy when I am in good shape.
Im happy when Im sleeping.
Im happy when I make my own rules and live by my own time lines.
Im happy when my friends call me and when we hang out together.
Im happy when Im eating good food.
Im happy when someone I care about thinks the world of me.
Im happy when I get what I want.
Im happy when I get new emails from friends and new messages from cool people.
Im happy when Im driving, or riding my bike.
Im happy when Im dancing.
Im happy when Im listening to good music.
Im happy when Im riding a horse.
Im happy when Im in the countryside.
Im happy when Im on the coast.

Im creative, bossy, lazy, and intelligent, so what the bloody hell am I supposed to be doing with my life!?

I sure as hell dont want to spend any more time in London trying to make money to go travelling and before I know it Im 35 and still living in a frikkin bedsit.

as i ride the bus...

1. to love and be loved means so much more now than when youre younger because now there is more to you, now you have baggage and issues and for someone to love you despite these things runs deeper than the taste of first love. its as though you appreciate someones love more now because you know it cant be as easy as it was when you were first experiencing love.

2. i want somebody who doesnt think like the masses. who doesnt think thats how it should be cos thats how it is. instead, they think "it doesnt have to be the way it is". someone who understands terry pratchett haha!

3. I want to live a life I can write a bestseller about.

4. A poem for love:-

Love
Im here
Im ready
Im gonna meet you half way
show me what i need to do
to tantalize you
draw you close to me
i already love myself
im already half way
so come on
lets not waste time
time is all we have
if we waste time
we waste you

we waste me

Lisa and her Lovers Episode 3

Said good morning to him when I arrived, he's wearing all black with his shirt tucked in and he looks so hot! So I decided I WILL tell him that he looks hot like that, so I went down to get tea and on my way, I called him from his desk as I walked past and he got up and joined me so I said how come you get so much time off and he said he works part time. Then I said, I just wanted to tell you that I like it when you tuck your shirt in, you look really good like that and he said oh thank you, he's trying to make an effort and I said you always look sharp when you wear all black, then I laughed and said "you can go now" lol and he said well he was gonna come down anyway, then we chatted while I made teas and coffees which I totally messed up cos I was so nervous. I told him I didnt think I would be here much longer and he asked where I was gonna go if I leave and I said Im thinking of spending a month in Hawaii but Id like to go for 3 months and do SoCal too but I dont think I can afford it and he said california is nice. I asked him if he had any holiday booked and he said he wanted to go see family in hong kong but he didnt know if he was going anymore. then I asked him about his last name and its something like lam-cornissen or something, something chinese and irish. He thanked me for the lucozade I bought him and we left it that. oh yeah, then he asked me about my tattoos and asked if i had anymore and i said not yet, but i will get more and he wanted to know where and i just said im not sure, i havent decided and he said ill just leave it up to his imagination. i didnt say anything, but thats the second time hes said something slightly sexy.
But I am KICKING myself for using this perfume I hate cos it STINKS but the other one I usually wear ran out. ugh!
oh my gosh i am going to molest him! :D

Lisa and her Lovers Episode 2

On Tuesday he jumped up to follow me down to the canteen and when I saw him he said he thought hed follow me down and i said so you gonna tell me your name or not and he said yeah, its leon and i said hi leon, im lisa and we shook hands (im such a dork!) and then he asked me where my accent was from and i told him im south african and we talked a bit about SA and then I asked him if he was korean and he said no, half irish, half chinese and then i went to get some coffees and then he was behind me in the queue and he said "i like your dress lisa" and i said thank you and smiled and then told him a friend of mine guessed he was korean and he said yeah people often think that cos of his height and i said oh and then he had to get change so i just went back to my desk on my own. wanted to talk more with him and worried it was rude to just walk off, but then i thought well no its like playing a little hard to get haha! then i thought, i should have said "i like your height" after he told me people think he's korean cos he's tall.

well well well...

oh my god i am going to pull all my lovely hair out if i stay in this job one more FUCKING day!

My boss just had a go at me INFRONT of everyone. I am sick to the back teeth of being someone's bitch. I dont care about your goddamn meetings allright cocksucker!?

You Are a Bright Star Soul

Like a shining star, you have no trouble being the center of attentionIn fact, you often feel a bit hurt when all eyes aren't on youYou need to be number one in everything, no matter how trivialAnd it's this ego that both hurts your confidence and helps you acheive You're dramatic and a powerhouse of pure energyYou posess a divine quality or uniqueness that's hard to defineA natural performer, it's likely you'll become famous in some circles.Just learn not to take everyone's reaction to you so personally! Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul and Prophet Soul